Your Mama is a PERVERT Magnet

If you read my blog on a regular basis you maybe surprised to know that I actually try to be a good example to my children.I do not always succeed, but I try. For example I  try not to swear. My children are forever crying out "MOM! That's a bad word." And I am for ever apologizing, " I am sorry I should not have said that but..." I know that I should not try to mitigate the fact that I used bad language but sometimes you gotta swear to make your point. See I just did it again. BAD MOM! I also try to eat healthy. No processed foods, only whole, organic, and no GMO's. I am probably 70% successful at that. Which is a C- and I truly feel bad about that. I mean my kids deserve at least B effort from me on their behalf but I am SLACKER as well. I try to keep my room clean but without Agent Daddy that would be a lost cause.  Making the bed is a HUGE commitment for me. I mean when you make the bed you are saying "Ok, I am not going to go back to bed and try to start this day over." I am really not able to make that kind of commitment at 7:00 in the morning. I try to remember to say Please and Thank You EVERY time, including to my children, sadly my kids are the better example of how to do it right and often.

But one thing I do actually succeed at being the good example at is volunteering in my community, the kids school, and local charities. Usually this volunteering involves fund raising or sitting at a booth in the heat answering questions and/or selling stuff to raise money for a good cause. Funny thing about me is I have never met a stranger. I can talk and talk. My nick name as a small child was motor mouth. What got me in trouble in school is now what makes me valuable in my community. Go Figure. The other funny thing is that  since I got boobs I am magnet for every old PERVERT in the universe. Agent daddy actually thinks it is hysterical that all the old guys with walkers and wheel chairs ask me for my telephone number. When I am in my everyday life and one of these "gentlemen" approaches me I tell them "My husband is a jealous man and he has a gun." this usually sends 90% of them on their way. There is always that one guy who is sure that I am joking about the gun.  So my best line is "You know the last guy my husband caught me with hasn't been seen in 5 years. I hope he just moved away but there was a shovel and gravel in the back of our car so I am a little worried. Do you think I should call the police?"

But when you are volunteering you have to be nice to the suckers, I mean , "gentlemen" who come to your booth. I am there to sell and/or inform. Not to scare old men, although it is fun. So I have to be more subtle when letting my admirers know that I am not interested. Unfortunately the other people I volunteer with have decided that using my pervert magnet is the best way to break all sales records, so they encourage these guys to stay a while. I am not sure what seeing mommy being chased by old perverts is teaching my kids, but I am sure that someday they will say to me " Mommy why do all the old guys always hit on you?" and with the wisdom that has been the hallmark of my parenting style I will reply "Your mama is a pervert magnet."