The Dead Guy Chapter 5

Who loves Ya Baby?

If there were a nuclear holocaust on Saturday my mother would still expect the whole family at her house for Sunday dinner. And so it was that even though there was a dead guy in my bed Thursday night, the twins and I were at my mothers house Sunday. Which is great as I had not been grilled enough by the police, I really needed my mom to interrogate me as well. And to make my particular hell even more excruciating Drew joined us. I was still staying at his house, on the couch, and I couldn't exactly not invite him. Besides my
mom likes him better than me. She asked for him in the divorce.


Both my cop brothers were there with their cop wives and their cop in training children. As we all sat down my father prayed over the meal, ending with "Lord please keep my daughter from killing any more people and leaving them in her bed." The assembled crew said "AMEN" more enthusiastically than I believed necessary. I saw my dad wink at me. He always did love to pull my chain.  As the food was passed I steeled my self for the inquisition to come.I really believe my brothers became cops because my mom was so good at interrogation that they felt born to the life. She starts out as good cop and before you know it you are spewing everything you know to her.

Tonight was not different. " So Jacqueline" she started as she passed the peas " I understand that you have had quite the exciting few days. Of course I learned of it from your EX husband, my wonderful grand babies" she smiled at the twins who bowed their heads and tried not to smile," and your brothers. So do you want to share?" She was setting me up and I knew it. Not only was my story now going to be compared to everyone elses' story but even if I got every part of the story exactly like everyone told her, I was still in trouble for not calling her first.

I am a strong and brave woman. Was a top student in High School and College. I bore two sons at the same time, I support myself but I am still afraid of my mom. Not afraid like she might kill me in my sleep. Afraid like she might make me feel shame for disappointing her. Or that other people in town will say to me " You should be nicer to your mom. She is such a nice lady." That kind of fear. I took a bite of my mashed potatoes and tried to think of how I could spin this. "You know mom, I am so glad you asked." I began after I swallowed of course. I wouldn't want to be a bad example of table manners and have to add that to my transgressions for the week. "I came home from work late on Thursday and I was so tramtized by finding a dead guy in my bed,"
"Jeff Chase" my brother interupted.
"What?" My mom asked turning to him.
"Jeff Chase, the dead guy."
"Oh." She said. Then turned back to me "Did you know this Mr. Chase?"
"No I did not know Mr Chase. Any way, I was so traumatized by finding him and then your grand babies, came home. I was afraid they would be traumatized too so I called Tim and got out of there. I really still feel like this had to have been a dream. I couldn't call you and tell you I was traumatized." I heard several snorts come from across the table. I suspected it was the 6'2" 'babies' my mom kept referring to. "I wouldn't scare you that way mom." I put a bite in my mouth to hopefully end the conversation.
"Tim said you called Carolyn." She questioned
I kept chewing. I looked at Tim and he shrugged. I knew he was thinking don't drag me into this. Swallowing I said " You know everything is so fuzzy from that night,I probably did out of instinct. She did come to the station with me and the boys."
"And Dad" Dylan interjected.
"Such a sweet man." My mom said looking fondly down the table at Drew. " And when are you going to get over this nonsense divorce and  get back with your childrens father? Don't you think this has gone on long enough? It's clear the man adores you." She finished polishing Drews halo. Drew was sitting across from me between our twin boys. He was looking at me with the one eyebrow up in the air. Waiting for my answer.
"So how about them Dodgers? You think they'll make the world series?"This was my standard reply to questions I did not want to answer. Drew just shook his head. The boys went back to eating. My mom on the other hand was not so easily mollified.
"Okay missey. We will leave that conversation for later. But next time you find a dead guy in your bed you really should cal your mother. Its embarrassing to find out this kind of stuff from Mrs Kingston at church." Mrs Kingston is our town gossip. I think she is 120 years old. She is kept alive by gossip and church donuts. I have never seen her eat anything else. If we all stopped gossiping I really believe she would melt like the wicked witch in OZ.
"Next time mom? I really don't want to think that finding a dead guy in my bed has a next time."
"Oh you know what I meant." She said waving her hand in front of her. And the rest of dinner seemed to move along nicely. I still did not know why the dead guy died in my bed, but I am sure that eventually Mrs Kingston would find out and tell my mom. Until then I just wanted my house back and a new bed. Cause there ain't no way I am sleeping in a bed that a dead guy was in. At least not knowingly.

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