Can't Help But Wonder...

As a mother... these are words I find myself saying over and over.... "I can't help but wonder" .. as I talk to my friends, my peers and the women that I have emulated. "I can't help but wonder"... is there something I'm not doing right? Did I give them enough love? Did I hug them enough? Did I give them the right vitamins? Was I too hard on them? Was I too easy on them? Ugh... the list can go ON AND ON AND ON... 

Then the day comes... the day we all dread - the day they "grow up". Now this doesn't have to be a 'fully grow up thing'... this can mean any part of growing up... 

Whether it's taking the bottle away, leaving them with a sitter for the first time, sending them off to day care, sending them off to swim lessons, sending them off to kindergarten, first grade, middle school, to hang out their friends, high school, first day of work, driving permits, the big '18'. (sigh)... Every one of these and so many others spark brand new "I can't help but wonders" in a mothers mind... the job of a mother has a billion "how to books" and articles (including this one... haha) all stating different opinions, some from what they've learned through education and some from what they've learned from experience. I get nauseous trying to follow all of the do's and don'ts they offer. Too much this, too little that. In the 70's, the 80's and the 90's the do's and don'ts changed significantly from what my mother was told to do and what they decided was good for the kids when I became a mom at 20. 

When I was a kid... we got spanked, by mom, by dad, by the principle... spanked. Then as I grew up and had kids of my own, they said we shouldn't spank... time outs only. Spare the rod spoil the child... I heard that constantly as a kid growing up... "Spare the rod spoil the child"... God forbid we spoil the child by sparing the rod... yet, the rod has significantly changed forms over the years.  

I think what I've found to work is consistency. Maybe the rod they are actually speaking of is consistency? Something that is firm and reliable. Letting our little mini-me's learn what to trust. Giving them firm ground rules to live by and then allowing them to grow into their own. I have often said I feel like I am the bumper pads... you know, like bowling. My children are the bowling balls tearing down the alley hoping for a strike, I am the bumper pads as well as the bowler. It's what happens after it goes into that little area where they separate the pins from the ball that I worry about. Yes, I really said that. 

Anyway, as I said earlier, I can't help but wonder each time my children enter a new phase of their lives whether or not I have done my job as a mother. I've given them rules, taught them right from wrong, and I can only hope as they move towards independence, that I have done my job. 

 I will say this, it never has felt like I've done it right EVERY TIME. I've always worried about what I may have missed. One thing is certain, I have ALWAYS DONE MY BEST. Some days my best is REALLY GOOD - you know, like a baseball player, I have ALWAYS tried to hit the ball out of the park, but some days it's HOME RUN.... and other days, I feel like I have struck out. Always a learning lesson... always adjusting to do better next time. But always, always doing my best that day. 

I can't help but wonder, is there anyone who is a perfect mother? If so... can I have your autograph? 

Little Miss Franki Doll AKA "Alt Mom"

Franki Doll & The Broken Toys

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