Today I attended a funeral. Sitting in the church I acknowledged that there is no easy way to grieve. No way to instantly get over it, no way to say just the right thing, snap your fingers, click your heals, feel better... And it SUCKS!
As mom I want my kids to never feel pain or loss. But the truth is that I have to teach them how to deal with that too. To neglect teaching them how to grieve would be to set them up to be crippled by it later in life. Everybody dies. It is the only truth that everyone must face regardless of background. And I wish I could make it so my children would never feel that pain but it is not possible so instead I need to teach them how to survive and thrive after loss...
I don't know if I have done it well. I don't even know if I have handled the grief well myself. My father in law passed away 2 years ago. It was especially hard on my then 9 year old. I talked to him about being sad. Told him it was ok to cry and then we talked about happy memories of his grandfather. I asked if he would like to write him a letter that he could put in the casket with his grandfather. Never have I read a more poignant letter in my life. I was so proud of my son for being able to express himself so well. The letter was placed in my father in law's pocket. We often talk about grandpa even though it was painful at first. I believe it is best not to avoid the subject of the deceased. Being open to talking about it and bringing the subject up helps us to heal just a little. When some one dies you need to look the situation straight in the eye and tell it "YOU SUCK!" Cry, laugh, ...dance naked in the moonlight if it helps. Just don't avoid it. The pain reminds you how sweet life can be.
However you do it, be sure to teach your kids the the sucky stuff happens but we get past it. It is okay to grieve. And it is okay to be happy again.
Hope this helps,
The Idea mom.
As mom I want my kids to never feel pain or loss. But the truth is that I have to teach them how to deal with that too. To neglect teaching them how to grieve would be to set them up to be crippled by it later in life. Everybody dies. It is the only truth that everyone must face regardless of background. And I wish I could make it so my children would never feel that pain but it is not possible so instead I need to teach them how to survive and thrive after loss...
I don't know if I have done it well. I don't even know if I have handled the grief well myself. My father in law passed away 2 years ago. It was especially hard on my then 9 year old. I talked to him about being sad. Told him it was ok to cry and then we talked about happy memories of his grandfather. I asked if he would like to write him a letter that he could put in the casket with his grandfather. Never have I read a more poignant letter in my life. I was so proud of my son for being able to express himself so well. The letter was placed in my father in law's pocket. We often talk about grandpa even though it was painful at first. I believe it is best not to avoid the subject of the deceased. Being open to talking about it and bringing the subject up helps us to heal just a little. When some one dies you need to look the situation straight in the eye and tell it "YOU SUCK!" Cry, laugh, ...dance naked in the moonlight if it helps. Just don't avoid it. The pain reminds you how sweet life can be.
However you do it, be sure to teach your kids the the sucky stuff happens but we get past it. It is okay to grieve. And it is okay to be happy again.
Hope this helps,
The Idea mom.
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