I was going to call this 10 things I wish I didn't know, but by the time I got to number 10 I realized that I was glad I had these memories of my kids. Maybe I have lost my mind but there you have it....
1. Powdered sugar is very hard to vacuum out of carpet. My son Josh, who was about 4 years old at the time, was trying to help mom out. He had observed me putting carpet fresh on the carpet many times before I vacuumed. He saw the powdered sugar on the counter in the Kitchen and thought that it was the same thing. He proceeded to pour out the entire box on my navy blue carpet. It took months of vacuuming every day before I no longer had a white patch on my carpet.
2. The face and tongue have more blood vessels than any other part of the body and therefore bleed WAY more when injured. My first experience with this concept came when my oldest was just 10 months old. My amazing husband got up with the baby on a Saturday morning telling me to go back to sleep. He said "Let me watch the baby, you rest." Not 15 minutes later I heard a scream and my husband came running into our room holding our baby and both had blood everywhere. I had no idea which one was bleeding nor where they were bleeding from. Turns out the baby, who was learning to walk had bitten his own tongue. So My hubby and I rushed to the Emergency Room with me sitting in the back seat holding an ice cube on the babies tongue while he fought me the whole way. When the bleeding finally stopped the Doctor
came into the room looked at his tongue and replied " Yep he bit his tongue." Since I had just paid $50.00 for that moment of brilliance I informed him that he needed to "Do something!" He told me that there was nothing he could do since the tongue was not severed. He told me no solid food for 7 days to keep particles out of the wound and sent us on our way home. We were not even half way home when I turned to check on the baby only to discover him PICKING the scab off his tongue and making it bleed again. I swear we looked like we had survived a car wreck we all had so much blood dried on us when we arrived home.
My last experience with bloody faces was when my youngest was 18 months old. My oldest was throwing a pillow in the air and hitting it with his head. He and the baby were laughing while I watched them play. I turned away and when I turned back I watched in HORROR as a 3 lb hand held weight landed on the baby's forehead. He had thrown it in the air copying his brother, but it wasn't soft like the pillow as he soon found out. Blood began pouring out of his forehead. I grabbed him ran to the bathroom and applied pressure. Once he and I calmed down and I got the blood stopped we called Dad at work. I don't know why I always feel the need to share trauma with my husband when he is at work, but it is a good thing he doesn't have caller ID at work or he would just stop answering. I mean really what can he do from work? But I still call and say things like " You want the good news or the bad news?" Did I mention that he is an amazing husband and father? He always starts with "give me the good news." This time I answered "The bleeding has stopped."
"Okay...maybe I need to know the bad news now." He calmly asks. After telling him that I had watched as our child had split his forehead open, he told me I should call the Doctor and go see if he needed a stitch. I asked him if he thought I would be forgiven for killing this Doctor if he had the nerve to tell me " Yep he has a cut on his head." There was silence while he decided whether or not he would be expected to bail me out of jail since he did send me to the doctor. He replied make the appointment for after I get off work in an hour and we will go together.
Long story short, both my kids have facial scars and one also has a tongue scar. My hubby tells them "Chicks dig scars." Another lesson learned the hard way.
3. Vomit can be easily cleaned out of most materials using a baby wipe. My oldest child gets car sick...nuff said.
4. When you have young children, never leave home with out a change of clothes for EVERYONE. My oldest child gets car sick...nuff said
5.Sharpie, when used by one child to "decorate" another child, can be removed with baby oil. No need for the decorated child to wait for it to wear off. Especially when the face has been decorated the day before school pictures. I learned this truth from another mom who took pity on me when she saw me shopping with the "decorated" child. I called him the decorated child because
when I caught my oldest child drawing pictures on my youngest child and I asked " What are you doing?" the oldest child told me he was "decorating" his brother. His little brother, who was about 2 at that time was so proud that his brother had "decorated" his face, arms, and belly. He modeled his new look for me. After trying unsuccessfully to REMOVE the "decoration" I gave up. I figured that by his 10th birthday it should have worn off. So I was wandering the isles of the grocery store with my "decorated" child in the basket when this nice lady says to me " Honey, you can get Sharpie off with baby oil. You don't have to wait for it to wear off."
"Really?" I said
"You don't really think you are the first mom to have a painted child do you?" She smiled as she went her way.
6.Magic erasers CAN erase almost anything. They work best on walls that your children have done murals on.
7. Almost any tantrum can be stopped by pouring a glass of water on the child having a tantrum. Avoid pouring the water on the face of said child. This bit of advice came to me from a friends mother. She told me her pediatrician had told it to her. I don't know if that is true but I do know that without that trick I would not have survived the terrible twos. Which by the way were really the terrible twos, threes and fours.
8. "Only used once" is a warning label. When I was a teenager I went to a garage sale and saw a home waxing kit for sale with the sign "ONLY USED ONCE". I excitedly bought the kit and went home to wax my legs. I was either too stupid or too lazy to ask the lady selling the kit "WHY was it only used once?" So I get home, plug the machine in, and I wait for everything to heat up as I read the directions. I put super hot wax on my legs and, as it burned the skin, thought to myself "Wont it be nice not to have to shave." Then I grabbed the cloth stuck to the wax, which by this time had become one with my skin, and pulled. As the wax and the hair and the skin separated from my leg and the red welts appeared I wondered if maybe I had done something wrong. So I pulled the cloth from my other leg and experienced the same horror. I now KNEW why it was only used once. But when I sold this torture device at my garage sale I didn't put a sign on it saying "ONLY USED TWICE"
9. When you are mad, wear protective gear. I have broken my baby toes 3 times on each side. I have managed to do that by not having shoes on when I was stomping around the house angry for some reason or other. I hope I have learned my lesson. My toes hope so too.
10."I am sorry" and "I love you" are the two most powerful phrases in the English language. NUFF said.
If it weren't for the hard way I might not have learned anything at all. Hope this made you laugh. And if you learned something well I am glad to have shared.
2. The face and tongue have more blood vessels than any other part of the body and therefore bleed WAY more when injured. My first experience with this concept came when my oldest was just 10 months old. My amazing husband got up with the baby on a Saturday morning telling me to go back to sleep. He said "Let me watch the baby, you rest." Not 15 minutes later I heard a scream and my husband came running into our room holding our baby and both had blood everywhere. I had no idea which one was bleeding nor where they were bleeding from. Turns out the baby, who was learning to walk had bitten his own tongue. So My hubby and I rushed to the Emergency Room with me sitting in the back seat holding an ice cube on the babies tongue while he fought me the whole way. When the bleeding finally stopped the Doctor
My last experience with bloody faces was when my youngest was 18 months old. My oldest was throwing a pillow in the air and hitting it with his head. He and the baby were laughing while I watched them play. I turned away and when I turned back I watched in HORROR as a 3 lb hand held weight landed on the baby's forehead. He had thrown it in the air copying his brother, but it wasn't soft like the pillow as he soon found out. Blood began pouring out of his forehead. I grabbed him ran to the bathroom and applied pressure. Once he and I calmed down and I got the blood stopped we called Dad at work. I don't know why I always feel the need to share trauma with my husband when he is at work, but it is a good thing he doesn't have caller ID at work or he would just stop answering. I mean really what can he do from work? But I still call and say things like " You want the good news or the bad news?" Did I mention that he is an amazing husband and father? He always starts with "give me the good news." This time I answered "The bleeding has stopped."
"Okay...maybe I need to know the bad news now." He calmly asks. After telling him that I had watched as our child had split his forehead open, he told me I should call the Doctor and go see if he needed a stitch. I asked him if he thought I would be forgiven for killing this Doctor if he had the nerve to tell me " Yep he has a cut on his head." There was silence while he decided whether or not he would be expected to bail me out of jail since he did send me to the doctor. He replied make the appointment for after I get off work in an hour and we will go together.
Long story short, both my kids have facial scars and one also has a tongue scar. My hubby tells them "Chicks dig scars." Another lesson learned the hard way.
3. Vomit can be easily cleaned out of most materials using a baby wipe. My oldest child gets car sick...nuff said.
4. When you have young children, never leave home with out a change of clothes for EVERYONE. My oldest child gets car sick...nuff said
5.Sharpie, when used by one child to "decorate" another child, can be removed with baby oil. No need for the decorated child to wait for it to wear off. Especially when the face has been decorated the day before school pictures. I learned this truth from another mom who took pity on me when she saw me shopping with the "decorated" child. I called him the decorated child because
"Really?" I said
"You don't really think you are the first mom to have a painted child do you?" She smiled as she went her way.
6.Magic erasers CAN erase almost anything. They work best on walls that your children have done murals on.
7. Almost any tantrum can be stopped by pouring a glass of water on the child having a tantrum. Avoid pouring the water on the face of said child. This bit of advice came to me from a friends mother. She told me her pediatrician had told it to her. I don't know if that is true but I do know that without that trick I would not have survived the terrible twos. Which by the way were really the terrible twos, threes and fours.
8. "Only used once" is a warning label. When I was a teenager I went to a garage sale and saw a home waxing kit for sale with the sign "ONLY USED ONCE". I excitedly bought the kit and went home to wax my legs. I was either too stupid or too lazy to ask the lady selling the kit "WHY was it only used once?" So I get home, plug the machine in, and I wait for everything to heat up as I read the directions. I put super hot wax on my legs and, as it burned the skin, thought to myself "Wont it be nice not to have to shave." Then I grabbed the cloth stuck to the wax, which by this time had become one with my skin, and pulled. As the wax and the hair and the skin separated from my leg and the red welts appeared I wondered if maybe I had done something wrong. So I pulled the cloth from my other leg and experienced the same horror. I now KNEW why it was only used once. But when I sold this torture device at my garage sale I didn't put a sign on it saying "ONLY USED TWICE"
9. When you are mad, wear protective gear. I have broken my baby toes 3 times on each side. I have managed to do that by not having shoes on when I was stomping around the house angry for some reason or other. I hope I have learned my lesson. My toes hope so too.
10."I am sorry" and "I love you" are the two most powerful phrases in the English language. NUFF said.
If it weren't for the hard way I might not have learned anything at all. Hope this made you laugh. And if you learned something well I am glad to have shared.
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