Guest Mom

Sharon Ulery Ruggieri of Moms Madhouse is one of the Funniest Mom bloggers out there. I have the priveledge of re printing a blog form her site here. This is my favorite of her blogs so far. If you fall in love with her blog as I have please go visit her site and follow her by clicking here.here Please ENJOY!

Shut Up! Mom Can’t Find Herself.

That's right. I've taken a page from my kids book and I've decided it's time for me to fight the establishment. I even considered burning my bra in the back yard, but I was afraid a neighbor might call the fire department. So instead I'm making signs that say, "Save a Tree, use Plastic," "Screw Green & Go Gold Pony Boy," and, "I'll stop wearing my furs if you'll stop being naked."
What does this have to do with finding myself? I have no idea. All I do know is that whenever my kids decide it's time to take a stand against my policies, they throw out some mantra they've heard on Family Guy or South Park. And BTW....I don't remember letting them watch these shows. I need to re-read my manual on the parent controls for my Cox remote.
Anyway, whenever I need my kids for something I can usually find them in their bedrooms with the door locked. Even the 5 year old has become hostile about no entry without permission. Now I don't know who these kids think they are locking me out of a room in my house, but whatever. I can respect the privacy. But I end up either having to knock 29 times to get an answer, or I have to yell so loud my neighbors start yelling back to shut up!
I've inquired with my children why they always feel they need to lock the door. It's not like I have plans to just barge in. I'll knock no matter what. I don't want to see them naked anymore than they want mom to SEE them in the buff. But the replies I've received have ranged from, "I need me time mom. I'm just trying to figure out who I am and what I want out of life," to "I need alone time. It's crazy around here and all you do is yell." "No sh*t!" I reply, "I'm trying to get you out of room!"
Last night the teenager and tween-ager told me it's important for them to be alone so they can determine more on their own without my input. For instance, do they believe that saving the whales are really worth not eating any more tuna? Should a woman really get paid as much as a man on a construction site since she can't pee behind a wall standing up? And did Bob Barker really spend a lot of one on one time with his beauties? Uh....I guess someone's been watching re-runs of old game shows.
I reminded them that their alone time only comes after I say the chores are done for the day and I no longer require their assistance. They just shook their heads at me as if to say, "Silly woman. We can't time our moments to suit you." Oh yes, you can.
So I decided I'm going to play too. I toddled off to my room by 10am this morning, closed the door and started painting my signs of revolution. Within 5 minutes the first knock came. So I ignored it. Then came the 2nd knock, and that was also ignored. When the 3rd knock happened I began to chant loudly, "Ooo-mmmm, Ooo-mmmmm." This is when the whispering began. One child whispered, "Is she crazy?" "No," whispered back the eldest, "Just be quiet. She's trying to make a point." That's one smart kid there.
Another 5 minutes went by when I heard the 5 year old say, "Do you think it's safe yet?" And the 12 year old said, "I dunno....try it again." Then came the light tapping from the 4 year old. I knew it was the 4 year old because she's the only girl in the house and she said, "How many times should I knock?" I guess the boys thought I might be more receptive to their sister.
When that didn't work one of the kids pushed my cell phone under the crack of my bedroom door. I just stared at it wondering what they were up to. A minute later I got a text that said, "The Jehovah's Witnesses are at the door. They won't leave until they see an adult to put sister's clothes back on. She was chasing the dog down the street naked. Oh and can I borrow $10.00?"
I texted my reply and said, "Tell the Jevohah's Witnesses that's not my daughter and I'm busy praying the Praying to Kevin, the dark master of vanity. And if you want $10.00 you wait until your father gets home, or break into Jenny's house across the street. She keeps her mad money in the lunch bag in her freezer behind the otter pops. Don't ask...."

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