Naked Safety

In the last year or so I have had to learn Naked Safety. What is Naked Safety? Well Let me tell you. Naked safety is what you need to have in order to change your clothes or take a shower once your kids reach a certain age. It is kind of like Potty Privacy. When your kids are really little they seem to know instinctively when you are in the bathroom and that is when they all NEED to talk to you right now. NO they cannot wait until you are finished. If you flush before they share the world may end.

But I digress. This is about Naked Safety. First you must ensure that everyone in the house is either

A. Engrossed in an xbox game
or
B. They are sound asleep. Benadryl is a great way to achieve this goal.

If you attempt to take a shower, change your clothes or just close your bedroom door, without taking the above precautions, they will be walking in in seconds. It is as if there is an alarm bell that goes off in their brains whenever your bedroom door is closed. And God forbid you forget to lock your door.That is when they will walk in right as you take off your bra or your panties. I am not sure who is more embarressed by the sight of you naked,  you or them, but since they KEEP walking in without knocking I am going to guess that is we moms who are most embarressed. Oh yeah, did I mention that this ONLY happens to Moms? My kids never bang on the bathroom door when their dear old dad is on the pot. ONLY ME! They never walk in on Agent Daddy naked, nope only ME.

And the knocking thing is so alien to them that  they only think of it when they try to walk in and it is LOCKED. So you hear the tell tale thump of their shoulder hitting the door that did not just open as they asumed it would and then you hear the knocking begin. And if you make the mistake of asking them what they want, you will hear the most long winded complicated story about who brother did this and that....BLAH BLAH BLAH until you want to scream! " GO AWAY!!! I AM NAKED AND I DON'T CARE!"

I have begun taking the extra precaution of locking both my bedroom door and the door to our bathroom inside our bedroom. This is because the Tech Monkey decided that it would be funny to pick my bedroom door lock and I have not felt safe being naked since. Agent Daddy has found this to complicate our love life to the point that we discuss  putting Benadryl in the kids dinner so they will go to sleep faster. Agent Daddy wants a chance at Mommy before mommy dozes off.

In conclusion, Naked Safety is absolutely necessary until they go off to college. Of course by then the damage is done. By then you will only be able to change in the closet after midnight with the door locked and all the lights in the house turned off. I am going down to purchase a granny night gown this after noon so I can start my plan of only dressing and undressing underneath it.