I Touch Myself....

When I was growing up and going to Catholic school, the nuns often made it clear that if we "touched" ourselves in an inappropriate manner we would go blind. I remember thinking the old people in our family must have lost their sight for exactly that reason.  What else caused blindness? As I grew older and I met younger people who were blind, even though I now KNEW the information to be untrue, I couldn't help thinking that they too "touched" themselves. Maybe even ALOT since they went blind at such an early age.

Once I was in college, the Divinyls came out with the song "I touch myself". I must admit I was instantly in love with the song. It made me giggle and imagine the lead singer wearing dark glasses and using a cane from her blindness. I have never gotten over the mental link of masturbation and blindness. I know that there is no medical link but it is in my brain now and it will not let go.

So when my good friend and fellow blogger began telling me about her eye problems and the temporary blindness she had experienced I immediately blurted out " You HAVE to stop masturbating!" She, being a good Catholic girl, began laughing uproariously. She too understood the wisdom of my medical knowledge.

Later that day when I went to meet with Agent Daddy for lunch, I shared with him my conversation with my blogger friend AND my prognosis. Agent Daddy with an entirely straight face said " That's not funny, I think your friend has the same kind of glaucoma that I have. Call her right now and tell her to get to the opthamologist. Tell her to stop drinking liquids until she sees him and what ever you do don't use any Visine." So now I am freaked out. Agent Daddy usually finds maturbation jokes funny but this was serious stuff. So I got my friend on the phone and told her that appearntly my medical expertese, I once put a band aid on a cat , was flawed. I told her she could continue masturbating but she  needed to get to the Doctor right quick.

Well none of us was right. It turns out that blindness can be caused by allergies and eye strain. Getting old just plain SUCKS! I really liked my made up version of what was wrong with my friend and have decided to stick with that story despite medical evidence to the contrary. Its just more fun to think she went blind just like the nuns said we would.