I have three boys. Nine, twelve and forty-five. Living with all boys is like living in a frat house where I am the one responsible adult. Don't get me wrong, Agent Daddy, cleans up after himself, washes a mean dish, and can cook. ( I know... I totally scored). But he will also laugh when someone mentions ball hair at the table during dinner. I have begun to believe that my boys have made it their mission in life to try to gross me out. I have also come to the conclusion that there is no cure for this.
Ever since I potty trained the two younger ones I have been telling them " Flush the toilet, wash your hands." but to no avail. I come home from dropping them off at school and I am assailed by the most repugnant odor emanating from an UN FLUSHED toilet. I tell them they must bathe daily cause people will like them more if they don't reek. But they think being stinky is funny. The Tech Monkey says to me today that he forgot to wear deodorant and was surprised by how much more his armpits sweat and stank. REALLY? What does that boy think I was telling him to wear deodorant for? The boy stink thing is the worst. Their feet, laundry and rooms all have the pungent odor of a locker room, but they cannot seem to smell it. They laugh when I spray fabreeze in their rooms or make them change their sheets.
I ask them "Did you brush your teeth? " They answer "Yes." I ask them "Today?" silence..." Then please go brush them, people will like you more if you don't smell bad." I ask them if they are ready for school they say yes then wander out in the shirt/shorts/underwear they were wearing yesterday. " You have to put clean clothes on" I say "Why?" they say " Cause people will like you more if you don't smell bad." I say, "And I don't want people to think I don't love you, letting you go to school in dirty clothes."
Agent Daddy bathes, changes his clothes, brushes his teeth and smells good all the time. So I question him as to how he has not managed to pass these traits on to his boys. He smiles and says that it will all change as soon as they start liking girls. I really don't want them to start liking girls. That is the begining of them growing up an moving out. I loved my sweet little boys who bathed and changed their clothes every day. These stinky monsters I live with now only vaguely resemble those sweet cherubs. I wonder what liking girls and flushing toilets have to do with one another. I guess I should just give in and accept that they are growing up and girls will soon be a part of every conversation like frag grenades and farts are now.
I think I will just go start a black mail album to show to these oncoming girls. I wonder if I should try to make it scratch and sniff?
OMG! I am dying girlfriend! with my "6" boys, you know I feel ya! Oh God, boy sweat is the worst. I am loving how you come home to that, uh...odor. Bahahaha!!!
ReplyDeleteOh, I have to wipe the tears from my eyes. *Sniff* that's some funny shit right there!
Love as always
Sharon
I have this theory that little boys are dirty and disgusting creatures. My 14 year old didn't become interested in hygiene until he became interested in girls. And he's had this girlfriend already for longer than his dad and I dated before we got married. (Which is just... eek!)
ReplyDeleteThey are stinky creatures!! Although I have to say my two do seem be getting it, my oldest is more absent minded than a lover of stink. He did crack me up last week though, he had the bathroom door open and he was putting on deodorant but I noticed he had the cap on. I mentioned this and he said he knew he was making sure he had it in place first. My little guy is just 6 and he is a neat freak, I don't know if that will last. Thanks for a very funny post! I do love being a mother to boys!! They are great!!
ReplyDeleteEwww! Scratch and sniff! The 14 year old boy is getting showering under control (yeah, might not want to know all that goes on in there, but I am clinging to the hope that soap and his underarms are involved). Not so much with the toothbrushing. And why a running commentary on every bit of gas he passes?!
ReplyDeleteI am so happy to find that I am not the only one who is suffering from boy stink. Sometimes I wonder if I am the only one whose kids reek and don't care. In fact sometimes I think they take their stinkiness as a badge of Honor..." Ha Ha I am more stinky than you"
ReplyDeleteAll I can do is send you love. If you REALLY want to fix the toilet situation, you will have to find the sweet spot..perhaps the xbox will mysteriously be replaced due to lack of storage space for feminine products, or sewing supplies. A police patrol will have to take place before anyone leaves the house. One tip, boys just don't get "girl" hygene until they 1) get a girlfriend or 2) take Microbiology in high school. That's what did it for me. I highly recommend the book 1-2-3 Magic if you really are serious about making change in your house. Otherwise, just enjoy your time with the most loving, passionate creatures on the planet, and love them for the junk yard dogs that they are!
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain - my boys are 29 (dh), almost 15, 8, 4 and potty training 2 year old.
ReplyDelete