The Education of Man Boys

I adore my man boys. I find though, that every so often, they need some guidance. I try to make sure that I teach them practical lessons they will serve them their whole lives. Here are some of the more important lessons I have tried to impart.

1. People will like you more if you smell nice. This seems simple but there is a period in a man boys life when they believe that bathing is unnecessary and you KNOW that for them it is. There is a certain boy stink that can linger in a room hours after they have vacated. Bathing is a must.



2. He is NOT your friend. This lesson became necessary after the Tech Monkey gleefully showed me a You Tube video of one boy jumping onto the scrotum of another. Techie  gleefully said "His friend jumped on his balls" I explained anyone who jumps, kicks, staples, or otherwise harms your balls is NOT your friend. There have been other YouTube videos involving "friends" and fire, "friends" and fireworks, "friends" and all manner of bodily injury. He is NOT your friend has applied in all of these cases.

3. There are things a man should never say. Most men learn this the hard way. I however am trying to raise more highly evolved man boys. I have not succeeded as yet but I am still trying hence the list of things a man should NEVER say.
         A. Are you pregnant? Scary thing to ask if a woman is not pregnant. Any time you suggest that a      woman is fat you are taking you life into you own hands.

        B. Are you having your period? Any variation of this question will get a guy in trouble. If the woman is not in fact having her period she will be mad for you suggesting that she may be emotional or cranky. If she is having her period she will be mad that you think she is emotional or cranky when in fact she is.

       C. Are you wearing that? As a man you are just asking for a fight or tears. Never follow up this question with B or A. You will get your liver handed to you on a platter.

4. There are things a man should ALWAYS say. If used correctly these words can get you out of hot water for saying one of the above.

        A. You are so beautiful. This can un mad a woman pretty quickly unless you asked B above.

        B. You make anything you wear look good. Do not confuse this with A above. This is to be used only when a woman asks you if the dress/outfit makes her look fat. NEVER ever answer anything but this or you may well find out she is "NOT your friend."

      C. Have you lost weight? Always a good opener. Can also get you out of trouble.


5.Roses are always appropriate. What ever you have done. Or did in her dream or your girlfriends boyfriend did to her....send roses. GlobalRose.com can hook you up. you don't even need to leave your computer. But don't hesitate to send them...often....for any reason. You will have all the other men mad and all the other women jealous of your girl cause you are such a catch.