The Pervert Scale.

I thought this might be appropriate for St Patrick Day as the perverts seem to rally behind this holiday as much as any other. When I say pervert I do not use that as a derogatory term. I think all men are a little pervy that is what we like about them.

However it is important that we be able to quantify just how pervy the guy is so we know whether he is worth keeping or not. How pervy you like your men is purely subjective. Being that I am a pervert magnet , I believe that I am uniquely qualified to develop and promote my scale.


My scale starts with Pervert Level 1: "I want to touch your boobs." This level begins when most men enter puberty and continues unabated throughout their lives. Do not let the 90 year old Grandpa fol you. He wants to touch a woman's breasts as much as the next guy.

Moving up the scale by decimals points  to 1.2 is the "I am going to figure out a way to touch your breasts" guy. He usually describes himself as a "Hugger". Do not be naive. Men hug women to get a chance to feel their breasts. It is part of their make up. Some men have self control and only hug women they know others well you have met them, you know what I am talking about.

Around 1.5 is the looking down your shirt guy. I am not talking aobut the guy who just happens to look when you are bending over. I am talking about the guy who will climb on things and drop stuff on the floor to try to get a look. He is actively trying to get a peak.

All of the 1's have to do with breasts with clothes still on.

Pervert Level 2: Is the talker. He will chat you up about innocent things but as soon as he finds a chance he will try to involve body parts and sexual positions in his converstion with you. Even if he has never met you before. Even if you are on the phone with him and he has no idea what you look like, he will introduce naughtiness to the conversation. These guys in level 1 and 2 are usually all talk. They get little or no action so this is as far as they have ever progressed.

Pervert Level 3: This guy has seen some action and thinks he can "seduce" you. Very few of these level 3's are actually as talented as they may try to convince you they are. These guys are usually harmless and will accept no for an answer.

After Level 3 Perverts break into two categories the Creepy and the Adventurous. The Adventurous Pervert is usually only adventurous with his partner. It can include toe sucking at Level 5 but at higher levels of perviness may ask to "add some spice" by bringing in an outsider. Level 8. If you are both at that level  of perviness that is your business. Again perviness is subjective.

The Creepy goes all the way to Level 10 and includes wanting to sniff your used tampon. I think that Prince Charles fits right in there.

So there it is My Pervert Scale. Use it in Good health!